Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
