Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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