Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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