She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everclear isn't food dammit
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
