Who wears a wallet chain?!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
