Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
