i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment