The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.