I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
