then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?