Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
