do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
