dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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