I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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