Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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