Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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