I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
