Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
