On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize