dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
