Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
