I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
