Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
