threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
