return my video game
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
