If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
