I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
