U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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