my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize