It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
