who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
