Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
