i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize