I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
