i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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