I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
