Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
