Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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