Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize