Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize