okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
