Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
