Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
