wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
