Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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