Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
