you would pick up someone in the library
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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