a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize