a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
