I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
