I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
