I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
