My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
