She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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