i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
