He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
