there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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