U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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