just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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