You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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