no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
