Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
