My balls are so social today.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
