During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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