im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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