Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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