I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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