I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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