I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
