So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
