My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I want to be your penis for a week.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
