so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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