It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
